you were the same as me, but you wised up,

feel your heart, it isn’t a matter of listening to it, it is a matter of feeling it inside your chest, drumming along in a rhythmic pattern not controlled by you, but by some greater governing force that determines how fast or how slow or how constant hearts may beat. and when your heart melts warmly like some flesh marinating in red wine, or when the lump that your heart is slices into your gut and sinks there like a stone into a bottomless well, feel it. feel it when it goes real slow, when you are drifting off into some other realm, and feel it when you are most awake, most fucking terrified to be alive. when you are weeping feel what it does inside a cage of ribs, inside your mound of walking flesh. your heart will surprise your mind more than your mind could ever surprise your heart. it reacts faster than your clump of thoughts ever could. it is the physical evidence and movement that reminds you constantly that you are alive. sometimes it really kicks itself around, making you aware of its presence , and other times it pulsates so timidly that you can almost forget it even exists.